Breaking the Chains: 7 Ways a Negative Money Mindset is Holding Women Back in Life (2024)

How do you know if you have a negative money mindset? Do you find yourself saying things like:

The odds are good you have a negative money mindset. What’s frustrating is that the U.S. wage gap continues year after year, with 2024’s Equal Pay Day at March 14, 2024.

This annual measurement from the National Committee on Pay Equity shows how much longer women work in order to earn what men earn in 12 months. Currently, Caucasian women work approximately 14 ½ months to earn what men earn in 12. The statistic is much worse for women of color, and over the career span of 40 years, the difference adds up to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So the irony is that women say they’d rather be poor and happy, or that money isn’t the only thing, and they are earning significantly less than men. The real issue? Women aren’t happier or healthier earning less.

1. Health Issues

Financial stress causes health issues like high blood pressure, poor or unhealthy habits around food, alcohol consumption, lack of exercise, and tobacco usage. This unhealthy physical effect is often coupled with anxiety and depression.

Mental and physical health issues cost money. Not merely missing time from work due to illness and doctor’s appointments, but also higher health or life insurance premiums, co-pays, prescriptions, you name it. When you’re not feeling well, you’re also not doing your best work. Ultimately this can cost you your job.

2. Strained Relationships

At least 41% of divorces or couples in marriage counseling are rooted in financial pressures. Money is widely known as one of the leading causes of divorce. Typically, around41%of divorced Gen Xers, along with 29% of divorced Boomers state that the reason their marriages ended was due to financial disagreements.

Marriage or committed partnership is the most profound relationship level. Friendships and other family relationships suffer also, as lack of money, borrowing, self-pity and complaining all become part of the individual’s persona. They aren’t exactly a treat to be around.

3. Scarcity Becomes a Family Hand-Me-Down

I grew up knowing that money did not grow on trees. This was part of the verbal rotation from my mom, along with “blessed are the poor”, “we may not be rich but we are rich in love,” “we can’t afford to …”.

Generational scarcity is generational trauma. I felt guilty for wanting anything more, yet ashamed that I wore hand-me-down clothes and had food bank deliveries for holidays.

My mom didn’t know any better. Her parents lived through the Depression and we were still living like it.

4. Women Do Not Ask For More

While the Wage Gap is alive and well, women aren’t asking for more money. Statistically, less than 10% of women ask for more money at any point, whether in the job interview, job offer, or performance review.

My own working experience as a corporate leader was only 3% of women ever asked for more. Yet, 100% of the men did, whether it was possible to give more or not.

Why is this? The biggest reason is social conditioning that taught women to be polite, say thank you, and not make a fuss. Be thankful for what you have. What women did learn was how to get good grades and recognition. Doing the work and doing it well meant recognition and praise.

Taking that lesson into the workplace, however, earns a different reward. The reward for working hard is more work. Depending on those early lessons, women want to prove they can do more, still expecting recognition and praise. What we don’t see is that money is not and will not ever be a form of recognition.

Forty years of 40+ hours per week of working harder, continuing to chase the money carrot that somehow stays out of reach, builds frustration and resentment.

5. Quick Solutions Aren't Pretty

Women earning 80% of the wage dollar coupled with rising cost of living is a no win proposition. What happens?

a. Rising Credit Card Debt: The wage gap makes it more difficult to pay off credit card debt or other loans. As interest rate penalties rise, the balance becomes part of the long-term financial picture and basic living expenses become more difficult to pay.

b. Taking on a Second Job: Additional employment adds fuel to the fire. Fewer hours at home, less time for family or self-care, can feel like digging a hole that never ends. If women are able to take the second job and pay their debt, increase their savings, and return to a single job, this can be a short-term solution.

6. Unaligned Attitude

Look back at the things people say. Money isn’t the only thing. Money isn’t everything. You’d rather be poor and happy versus rich and miserable.

Deep down you know this is a lie. Deep down you know that you would like to be debt-free, take a nice vacation at least once a year, build up your retirement funds, open your bank app without a guilty cringe, and donate to your favorite charities. The list goes on. Money isn’t the culprit. Even the love of money isn’t the root of all evil.

If you’re not going to love money, hating it isn’t making your life any happier.

When you say things that aren’t aligned with what you really want deep down, the misalignment causes stress. Maybe you feel it in your gut, that pit in your stomach. Or you feel your resentment building as you see others who have what you really do want.

Let me say one thing here. When you see memes or social media posts about either/or situations like money OR happiness, keep scrolling. These are false choices. For example, there are plenty of people with lots of money who are happy. There are plenty of people without money who are desperately unhappy. To imply that there is a zero sum choice is unhealthy as well as false.

7. Poor Attitude Becomes Poor Identity

Look around at people who complain about money. Not simply their own money, or lack thereof, but complaints about others who do have money. This becomes complaints about the economy and politics. Yes, the economy is cyclical and politics doesn’t make anyone happy for long, but these folks see everyone as financial bullies.

When all you feel is the fact that you are a victim of society, everyone has more than you, it will never change, and you are doing the best you can but something always goes wrong, you are living in a deep rut of financial victimhood.

Your focus has become limited to scarcity.

Climbing Out of This Rut

There is a solution. Your brain will believe anything you tell it, and it can only believe one contradictory thing at a time. All these years, including those fuzzy formative years, we’ve been telling our brains that there’s something wrong about wanting money. We can turn that around.

Awareness is the first step. Pay close attention to what you say and think about money. When you notice yourself nodding in agreement at a negative social media post about money, or people who have money, stop and ask yourself why.

• Is the statement true?
• Is that how you want your life to reflect your finances?
• If you do have examples of how the statement can be true, can you think of other examples where it isn’t true?

Are you already a VIP Subscriber to my weekly Winning at Work email? Elevate your week with inspirational content sent directly to your email inbox. Invest just two minutes for a dose of motivation!Click here to subscribe!